Well, today I said goodbye to my little butterfly. We all met at Social Services at 1pm. It took about one hour to sign all of the papers. The actual time dated on the papers ended up being the same time she was born.
I found that interesting. Then my mom and dad said their goodbyes. Then, I had my time with her {my baby}. I told her how much I love her and how hard this really is. I told her to be a good girl and to come find me some day. I felt so small in that room, holding her and feeling like I wasn't really the only one in that room. I wasn't alone. I felt peace around me and I felt at peace with this decision. Then I read to her out loud my poem {my little butterfly}, kissed her on the forehead and told my social worker I was ready.
Adoptive dad came in the room. His chin started quivering as he asked me how I was feeling. He sat down next to me and I slowly handed her to him. He cried and smiled
. "what a beautiful baby" he said. He couldn't stop looking at her and
neither could I.
We all cried... my mom, dad, social worker and I. It was a bitter sweet moment.
We left the agency, the three of us. {mom, dad and me} It felt unnatural not to have her in the car with us. I cried hard that night. I missed her so much. I wanted her back. I just kept picturing her cute little feet, toes and hands. She is such a beautiful baby.
Today was a hard day... hardest day of my life. I pray for strength to get through this. I am weak and missing her every minute, but I try to stay positive. I try not to get depressed and keep my head up. I want to become a better person for
HER. I want her to be proud of me, to be proud to say
I am her birth mother. I love her so much and keep her and the adoptive family in my prayers daily. I know I made the right decision. I know she belongs with their family and that keeps me going.
I love you baby! I will think of you always and miss you
everyday. 
{I post this only to give you ALL an idea of what my experience was like. I have grown leaps and bounds from this day, but truly these are my thoughts and feelings only 4 days after placing my baby. I thought you all might be interested in what my story is and how I came about such a decision. Check back often for journal entries and post about my placement.}PLEASE, please remember there are
soooo many
bm's out there who could use a
loving reminder (such as a
bmb) that they are appreciated, loved and understood.
DONATE {if you can} and if not, help
SPREAD the word.
